


take my life and set me free again

by lilliputianmerriell



Category: The Pacific (TV)
Genre: M/M, Physical Disability, Psychological Trauma, Wounds
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-08-22
Updated: 2018-08-22
Packaged: 2019-07-01 01:03:23
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,948
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15763419
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lilliputianmerriell/pseuds/lilliputianmerriell
Summary: The Pacific was dangerous and unpredictable but also capable of calm and gentleness, so much like Merriell himself.





	take my life and set me free again

**Author's Note:**

> Day 3 of Sledgefu Week. Prompt: Wounds.
> 
> Title from Imagine Dragons' "Not Today".

It was a bad day again, Eugene could tell.

Merriell was sitting by the open glass doors overlooking the Pacific Ocean, his eyes hollow as he stared out at the empty beaches outside their small house. His hair was greasy and unwashed, the curls that he no longer let Eugene trim were falling in messy heaps over his forehead. Eugene wanted to brush them away, wanted to tell Merriell it was going to be okay, but he wasn’t sure whether Merriell was susceptible to comfort or it was the kind of bad day where he’d be pushed away with a furious snarl that was more often present than not on Merriell’s face these days.

“Merriell?” Eugene tries cautiously, not moving from the doorway to their bedroom where he’d woken up only moments earlier to find Merriell’s side of their bed cold and empty, already abandoned hours before, “It’s six in the morning. Will you please come back to bed?”

Merriell’s hands were clutching the armrests of his chair so tightly that Eugene could see all the taught tendons in his forearms, and his jaw was working furiously as if biting back the pain and hurt attempting to spill from his mouth.

“I had to go to the bathroom,” Merriell admits eventually, quietly. The shame there is evident to Eugene who feels his heart clench painfully.

“You could have woken me up,” Eugene doesn’t mean to sound accusing when he says it, but sometimes it was hard to not be affected by his own pain. Pain he didn’t feel like he deserved to feel because he wasn’t the one hurting like Merriell was. 

It wasn’t fair. They’d survived a war together, Merriell had come back for him after leaving him on the train. They had lived in their own little world that wasn’t quite perfect but was about as close as Eugene could have ever imagined true happiness to be. Now, Eugene wishes that they’d only have a fraction of that back, the laughter and lightness. Wishes that he knew what to say to show Merriell how much he still loved him.

“Didn’t want to disturb you,” Merriell mutters, his eyes not straying from the calm waves hitting against the dimly lit shores.

A light breeze dances into the room then and makes their light white curtains flutter easily in the gentle wind. Merriell shivers in his seat, having not gotten dressed when he’d crawled out of their bed in the middle of the night, and was only sitting there in old, tattered boxer shorts that did nothing to conceal how thin he’d become in the past months.

“Come back to bed?”

“Can’t sleep,” Merriell says, before finally turning in his seat to look Eugene directly in the eye, his own eyes big and beautifully blue just like the calm ocean behind him as he asks, “Want go for a swim?”

The way down to the Pacific Ocean isn’t long, though the choppy boardwalk from their small house to the beach was in desperate need of a repair and made the track more difficult than it should have been. Pushing through the thick blankets of sand was a challenge, and Eugene could see the distinct traces of frustration lining Merriell’s face as they made their way down to the shore slowly. He knew better than to offer Merriell help however, knew that even suggesting to Merriell that he needed help was more likely to have the man spin around on the spot and return to the house that he hadn’t properly left in ages.

When they arrive by the waterside, a thought strikes Eugene, “Damn, I forgot our trunks, I’ll be right back,” they hadn’t used them in months after all. The last time they’d gone for a swim was… and Snafu wanting to do it again after so long had thrown Eugene off in the best way possible. How was he supposed to remember such trivial things when he was just so overjoyed that Merriell finally wanted to do something that he’d used to love?  

“No, this is fine,” Merriell whispers as he watches the peaceful waves slide up the beach before Merriell’s slender arms, still strong and sinewy with muscle, reaches for Eugene in silent request. 

With some struggle, Eugene slips one arm behind Merriell’s back and hooks the other underneath his thighs, carefully lifting Merriell from his chair. Eugene doesn’t have time to worry about how light the man has become as Merriell clings onto his neck, not as tightly as he used to the first few times they had done this, but still tight enough to signal to Eugene how he still hadn’t grown accustomed to being lifted. Their lives had crumbled only half a year ago after all.

Eugene wades into the cool water, feeling the waves brush up against his calves as he plunges deeper into the ocean, his grip on Merriell tight as he pushes against the currents. When he is immersed in the water to about his chest he looks over at Merriell who is chewing on his lip thoughtfully, one arm still wound tightly around Eugene’s neck as his other hand gently brushes against the water’s surface. Merriell was watching the water move beneath his palm mesmerized, almost as if he had never seen it before.    

“Don’t… let go of me immediately, alright?” Merriell says anxiously as he readjusts himself in Eugene’s grip, carefully angling himself so he lays almost flat on his back, so he can gently float in the calm water.

Eugene nods, letting Merriell get accustomed to the currents and waves before he gradually loosens his hold on him until they are no longer touching, and Eugene watches Merriell float by himself for a few moments until Merriell is safe enough to turn over and take a few, experimental breaststrokes to push forward through the water.

Merriell struggles a bit at first, having to compensate with his arms due to his legs, and Eugene feels the knot of worry in his stomach only easing once Merriell starts gliding almost just as confidently through the ocean as he had when he’d been swimming with Eugene and the rest of the marines on the other side of the Pacific.

They had used to do this often. In fact, it hadn’t been uncommon for Eugene to be woken up in the morning for him to be dragged down to the beach for an early swim. The unruly ocean had helped Merriell to keep his mind off the war. Merriell had used to say that nothing made him more clear-headed than the feel of the chilled saltwater on his skin, that nothing relaxed him more. Eugene thought it’d made sense, that Merriell took comfort in the ocean because of its’ nature; it was dangerous and unpredictable but also capable of calm and gentleness, so much like Merriell himself. The ocean had been why they moved to their small house, in the hopes of easing some of the pressure of the memories the war and that time of their life had put on them. It was a shame it’d changed nothing in the end as life seemed to find new ways to ruin the fragile peace Eugene and Merriell had created for themselves.

An exhilarated gasp draws Eugene’s eyes away from those particularly gnarly scars where Merriell’s legs ended right above his knees to see a small smile playing on the man’s lips as his head emerges to the surface after a dive.

Unlike so many marines and soldiers Eugene had known during his time in the service, Merriell seemed to come back to life in the Pacific. It was as if the familiarity of the ocean made him like his old self again; the fire that had gone out lighting back to life as he swims around while the colours of dawn painting his tawny skin in beautiful hues of pink and gold.

When Merriell turns the cautious smile towards Eugene, he feels his weak heart skip a beat because when was the last time he’d seen Merriell smile at him like that? When had he last smiled like that to Merriell?

Slowly swimming towards him, Eugene places a gentle kiss against Merriell’s lips that are tinted by salt water, and Eugene feels a great elation when Merriell doesn’t turn his cheek towards him or pulls away. They hadn’t had sex in months, not since before the accident, and Eugene didn’t want to push, didn’t want to make Merriell do anything he wasn’t prepared for. But their kisses are sweet and languid, and Eugene marvels at the innocence and love in each one that Merriell places on his lips as they let the Pacific sway them with its’ waves.

Eventually, Merriell pulls away from him with a wider smile that is only tinted by a hint of melancholy and hesitance before he pushes away completely, and Eugene watches as Merriell swims around peacefully, occasionally bobbing underneath the surface.

Eugene observes him from a distance until he starts feeling his fingers become wrinkly and cold, signalling that it was about time for them to leave before they got sick from staying in the chilly sea for too long. He was particularly concerned for Merriell; his body was still quite weak from the accident and therefore more prone to catch something, and Eugene didn’t want to risk having Merriell getting an infection and becoming bedridden again.

“C’mon, we should get back before I catch a cold. The water ain’t that warm,” Eugene calls to Merriell who is floating on his back some feet away.

Merriell’s eyes, which are partially closed, blinks back to life in slight bewilderment as if his mind had been elsewhere. There is a moment of disorientation before he catches sight of Eugene and swims back over to where Eugene was standing waist-deep in the water.

“How do you want me to –,”

“On your back.”

“I bet you say that to all the boys,” Eugene jokes as he kneels slightly so he Merriell can climb onto his back, feeling his arms once again winding tight around his neck, though there wasn’t quite as much of desperation to the grip as before.

The poor joke earns him a quiet chuckle, and it felt good to be able to make Merriell laugh again.

For the past few months it had felt like he had been walking on eggshells, and while Merriell had actually never said or done anything to make Eugene think he couldn’t joke around and laugh, it had almost felt like he wasn’t allowed for some reason. Maybe it was because that kind of joy and light-heartedness had felt out of place after such a tragedy had befallen them. Eugene certainly didn’t feel like he deserved to feel that way when Merriell was so obviously suffering.

“Fuckin’ idiot,” Merriell mutters and plants a soft kiss to the nape of Eugene’s neck.

Things are improving though and they were getting better, Eugene thinks as his love for Merriell washes over him much like the ocean waves lapping at his legs. They would get through this together.

Wading back up against the shore, Eugene feels Merriell relax against him when he hitches him further up so Merriell can wrap his thighs more tightly around Eugene’s waist to secure himself properly. Merriell’s head pillows itself against the back of Eugene’s neck, and Eugene feels Merriell’s long curls sweetly caress his cheek and temple.

“Let’s go back to bed,” Merriell whispers into Eugene’s wet skin while he brushes a thumb over Eugene’s clavicle, and Eugene silently obeys as he carries Merriell back to their small house, leaving the Pacific Ocean behind them once more.


End file.
